I lean back against the handrail at the entrance to the club, waiting for people to finish in the changing room. Beside me, a person I hardly know kneels quietly, stunning in a corset and bare shoulders. I stroke their hair gently, feeling very daring, and they lean into my hand. People arriving for the event look at us sidelong.
“If we’re not careful, people will think you’re mine,” I say, not sure if what I am doing is alright, if I am allowed to take liberties with them tonight. They smile up at me.
“Would that be a problem?”
“…no, I suppose not,” I say, and keep petting them, working my hand into the top of their plait, pulling gently, enjoying the sense of being in charge, in control, this feeling I have never had before.
When the others are finally done changing, and we have left our bags in the cloakroom, there are still contacts to be put in and makeup to be done, and I find myself standing by a cage with the same beautiful sub. Still shy, but hungry for more of that feeling, I wind their plait around a bar of the cage, and pull, and watch their eyes widen and their knees go weak. I set my fingernails into their chest, above their corset. Gently, gently scratch. They bite their lip and look at me as if I am the whole world.
It is only a few minutes before the others return, glittered and beautified, and I scratch their chest one last time and unwind their hair from the cage.
“Thank you, sir.”
I am hard so fast it feels almost like a blow.
“Correct answer,” I say shakily, for lack of better words.
Sir Monday, Jan 30 2012
things that actually happened and things that are hot 9:20 pm
Train Friday, Jan 27 2012
fantasy and things that are hot 7:16 pm
There is only so much we can do on a crowded Tube train. It’s hardly the place for public play. It’s the late end of the rush hour – everyone on this train is tired, everyone is irritable, and nobody will be happy about a pair of horny young things misbehaving when they’re trying to get home.
But still, there are some things we can do. We got on this train just too late to catch a seat, which means we got our pick of the standing room. At the end of the carriage is a padded ledge, and I put you firmly against it, holding you there with my body and a hand on the bar by the door. That was three stops ago, and now we are pressed into the corner by the crowd, and I have both my hands free.
Your arms are around me, your hands gripping my belt, somewhere between keeping me balanced and pulling me closer. I watch your eyes widen, and tap you gently on the chest.
You gasp quietly, whispering “thank you sir,” too soft to be heard over the train, but I saw your lips move, and I know those words.
tap
You bite your lip gently, and I count, and watch your eyes.
tap
Another station, another press of people, another chance to catch your breath.
tap
Back into the tunnels, timing your breathing by heartbeats.
tap
You kiss me hungrily, whisper something about “more, please,” and I interrupt you
tap
stopping you mid-word, and you fight yourself trying to breathe
tap
and I nibble your ear lightly, listening to you gasp
tap
digging my claws into your side just to see that begging look
tap
tap
tap
Blindfold Monday, Jan 23 2012
fantasy and things that are hot 2:06 pm
I stare desperately into the darkness. It is pitch black behind the blindfold, so dark that my mind paints pictures onto it. My hands twitch behind me. If they were being kind, they’d have tied me up, but instead they just crossed my wrists behind me and told me to keep them there.
Somewhere behind me something clatters to the ground and I swivel instinctively.
“Eyes front!”
I jerk back, stare uselessly ahead, shivering with nerves. I don’t know what they’re planning, except that it will hurt. That’s all they would tell me. It will hurt, and I am expected to hold still for it, or they will tie me down and it will hurt more.
There is another noise behind me, a snap that sounds very much like an impact, and I catch myself before I look, straining against the order to hold still. The door opens and closes, and I shiver, eyes wide behind the blindfold. My hands are free, and I am scared, and it would be so, so easy to take it off…
Five Friday, Jan 20 2012
fantasy and things that are hot 1:23 am
I am trembling in the ropes now, my back a single sheet of pain, and I couldn’t tell you if we’ve been here ten minutes or an hour. The heavy weight of the flogger smacks into me again, and I gasp out a breath, hold it again, bracing for the next impact. This is the rhythm of my world. Wait. Impact. Breathe. Wait.
He strokes my back gently, fingers almost unbearably light against my tender skin. I whimper softly.
“You’re doing very well. Five more, and then we’re done.”
I shudder in relief. “Yes sir. Thank you, sir.”
Breathe. Wait.
The five blows are as hard as any have been, so hard the flogger feels like a block of wood. I whimper as they hit, losing control now the end is in sight, and count silently.
“Good,” he murmurs, stroking my back softly, and I relax into the ropes, breathing in great ragged gasps, and scream as the next blow hits.
“No sir, please, you said five more, please!”
I cannot see him from here, but the smile in his voice makes my blood run cold.
“I lied.”
Fire Monday, Dec 26 2011
fantasy and how I work and things that are hot 12:25 am
I hate fire. I hate fire I hate fire I hate fire…
The drop of hot wax lands on my back, clings, burns, and I whimper and twist in fear. I am kneeling, bent over myself in a ball, arms pulled out in front and held firmly by one of my tops. He strokes my hair gently and I lean into his hand, try to beg with my eyes.
“Shhh. You’re doing very well.”
“Thank you sir,” I whisper, shivering and fearful. That was only the third drop of wax. The heat terrifies me in a way no other pain does. That is why they are both here, why I am held in hands and not by ropes, to keep me calm.
The one behind me caresses my back. “Next one.”
I hide my face, hold my breath, fight against panic. The drop might be fire for all I can tell, and I tense and gasp and stay still by force of will.
“Good boy. Next one.”
I whimper. Not yet not yet not yet. Fire on my back. I pull helplessly against strong hands.
[Note: I'd really like to do this one.]
Saying Words Friday, Dec 23 2011
things that actually happened and things that are hot 10:26 pm
After we have finished playing, in this gentle half-public scene, while I lie with my head in his lap and hope the person who came in partway through won’t think less of me for how subbish I am being, and he scratches me with a metal claw, and we both listen in to the rest of the conversation – after we are done, he unties me, and I sit up and stretch and borrow his hoodie because I have grown cold there on the ground with no jumper on. My front stings where he has been going at me, stings more and longer than I would expect. I slouch slightly, gasp and wince, sit up straighter. That was unexpected. I pull my clothes up, and see thin red scratches, where the skin is torn, just barely broken. I mock-glare at him.
“You drew blood!”
“Well, you asked for it.”
“I didn’t ask you to draw blood.”
“What did you say?”
“Stop teasing and use that thing.”
“Exactly. You asked for it.”
“I was tied up and you had the implement, it must have been your fault! All I did was say words!”
I have a habit of saying words. It gets me into all sorts of trouble.
Thirty Nine Tuesday, Nov 22 2011
fantasy and things that are hot 10:59 pm
I am at the fetish fair, with a play partner.
This is nothing very unusual; we come here regularly, to look at the merchandise, expand our toy collections, and play. Playing in public generally looks a good deal like playing in private, except that we keep clear of penetration and the like, to stay within the house rules.
Today is different. Today he has decided to put me on display.
I strip slowly, nervously, down to the waist. He is being kind to me, flogging me on the back, where I prefer the sensation. I can endure impact on the buttocks, of course; I have even been known to request it. But it is impact on the back that fills my dreams and gets me hard.
I step up to the spiderweb and stretch my arms out to the sides, gripping the coarse ropes. He presses up to me, warm against my naked skin, and pulls my head back by the hair. I melt back into his grip.
“Good boy,” he murmurs, stroking my back with a coil of rope. “Hold still.”
I close my eyes and lean into the spiderweb. I love this part, the ropes winding snugly around my arms, making me helpless. Here is where it becomes real, a tangible thing, my submission written in ropes. One arm, then the other, and he steps back, and I pull hard against the bonds and relax into them again, pinned in their snug grip.
He moves invisibly behind me, and I gasp as cool leather slides over my back, the tails of a flogger. His warm hand follows them, and I lean back into it, wanting more already. He shows me the flogger then, and I shiver. It is not the heavy one I prefer, but the light one with plaited tails, the one that stings far more than I enjoy.
He stands away. I swallow. We have talked about this part.
“What are you?”
“A submissive, Sir.” I answer clear and loud, against my instinct to whisper. I am on display, and must speak for the audience.
“And what happens now?”
“You’re going to flog me, Sir.”
“Correct. I am.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“How many strokes, Sir?”
“Thirty-nine.”
I whimper, pulling uselessly against the ropes. I hate that flogger.
“It could be worse, boy. I might have said forty.”
I shudder. “Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”
“Tell the nice people why forty would be worse.”
Blushing, I stand up straighter, defying embarrassment to speak clearly. “Because thirty-nine is the last finite number, Sir. When the Romans sentenced a criminal, thirty-nine meant thirty-nine, but forty meant they would continue indefinitely.”
From my position tied to the spiderweb, I cannot see who might be listening to us. Someone murmurs in understanding, and my face burns. I am watched. I am observed.
He strokes my back again and steps away, and I brace myself for the first blow.
“Count for me, boy.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Desperation Sunday, Aug 21 2011
things that actually happened and things that are hot 10:34 pm
“No, no, no, please sir, please don’t…”
Artemis is cuffed to my bed by ankles and wrists, spreadeagled on their front. Marks from a riding crop show red on their backside, but that’s not why they’re begging. The little badge in my hand curves to a dull point, and I am halfway down their spine, carving a line every centimetre. The screaming started three lines in.
“Please not that, sir, please, please stop…”
“No.”
I press the point in hard and draw another line, and another. They scream and thrash against the cuffs, trying to twist away.
“Please sir, beat me, beat me five times for every scratch you were going to do, please no more…”
I dig the point in again and hold it there a moment.
“No, no, no, please no, sir, please, no, no, ” and their words dissolve into screaming as I scratch.
“Five more.”
“Twenty-five with the crop, sir, please?”
I smile slowly.
“Five more.”
Tears Monday, Jul 11 2011
how I work 11:29 pm
I want to make Artemis cry.
Sometimes, when I play with them, their eyes go wide and their face goes slack and their breath catches, and I find myself watching for tears. I listen for that hitch in their throat to become sobbing, and I hunger.
There is an edge there, and I balance on it. I want to hurt them more, bite them harder, push them further. I want them to endure more for me. I want to feel them break under my hands. I want to push them over the edge and be there to catch them as they fall. I want to take their control of themself away from them.
I am afraid to make Artemis cry.
When their face goes slack and their eyes go wide, when their breath catches in their throat, I back away. I see the edge coming and dare not go to it. I am afraid of breaking them – what if I can’t put them back together? What if they never forgive me? What if I am wrong, and they cannot endure more?
I balance there, caught on myself.
Hail to the Wanky Boys Sunday, Jun 19 2011
how things work 10:49 pm
So I was wondering a few weeks ago why masturbating in play spaces is so very badly regarded.
I was wondering partly from a very selfish perspective. Kink turns me on. I don’t mean that on some abstract intellectual level – I mean Artemis screams and the blood flow changes direction. It’s as distinct and unmistakeable as a blow. They scream, I get hard. Inevitably, then, if I’m playing, I’m aroused, and generally I’d like to do something about that. But that’s a minor thing. I’m a grown-up, I can handle waiting for an orgasm.
The real meat of the matter was this: why is masturbating over other people’s play so frowned upon?
In part, it’s a matter of consent. In choosing to play with person X in public, I have consented to person Y watching me play, but not to person Y joining in. In masturbating they take a step out of the pure “audience” role and into being a participant, however peripherally. But we deal with the audience problem with a tacit understanding that to play in public is to consent to being watched. There’s no reason that social contract can’t include masturbation. It’s not written in the stars. We choose to draw the line where we do.
But the reason I’ve heard most often is that the men who come into play spaces and wank are taking from the community and not giving anything back. And something rang false about that, so I posed a theoretical: what if I, a female-bodied person, wank over a scene? Am I giving nothing back?
It seems different to me. If I’m masturbating in public, then I am giving people the chance to watch me. I go from an audience member, to part of the show for all the rest of the audience. I put myself on display, because I am female-bodied and everyone knows that women are for looking at.
Men look. Women are looked at. Men who wank in public are voyeurs; women who wank in public are exhibitionists.
It’s the Two Rules of Desire. It’s the same old double standard that gets everywhere and taints everything. And it’s completely false. I like to look at male-bodied people, men and otherwise. I think cocks are beautiful. I think someone with their penis in their hand is hot, and I’d be watching them as surely as they were watching me.
What the wanky boys are giving back to the community is their own bodies on display. If we don’t think that counts, we need to think harder.
