You know what’s hot? Hot is Ianto Jones in a suit. Bringing the coffee. Doing the filing. Hot is me in my steel-toed boots and my combats with my hair caked in three kinds of dust, and a handsome man bringing me a long sugary drink made exactly the way I prefer at exactly the moment when there’s a lull in the work. Because he’s been watching. He’s been paying attention. He knows when I need something and what I need because I’m his focus and his work revolves around mine. Hot is him wearing a suit, every day, because that’s how I like to see him. Not because I make him. Not because I’ve ever told him to keep wearing suits. Just because he’s heard me say he looks good in them and he’s noticed the way I leer at him and he knows I like him in suits, so he wears suits. Hot is me with a dirty face being waited on by a well-dressed man who doesn’t get to do the fun work, he’s doing the filing and he doesn’t mind because he knows how much I love the scaffolding. If he does the filing then my work becomes ladders and power tools and heavy things, so he does the filing. And he lets me touch him with dirty hands and get dust on his lips, oh yes, because clean is how he looks good for me and dirt is how I claim him.
That’s what Ianto does for Jack. That’s why he’s hot. That’s the whole point.
And then the Torchwood website has these little videos, this game you can play, pretending to be one of the team. A few little make-believe missions to audition for Torchwood. And Ianto’s in charge of them. He’s stern and demanding and challenges you to be up to scratch, prove it, prove yourself. Show you can handle it the way he can handle it, with a suit and a smile. Prove you’re good enough to meet his boss.
That’s even hotter. Prove to me that you deserve to meet my boss, to whom I am devoted, and for love of whom I am testing you. I’m not letting anyone bother my boss who isn’t worth his time. For his sake. All my competence and all my brains and I’ll use them all to make his path smooth. You don’t get to challenge me.
Fuck, I love switches.

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