An interesting thing: I don’t get turned on by the bedroom heirarchy reflecting a reality. That is, I don’t want to serve someone because they are better than me, and I don’t wan to be served because I am better.
I get intense non-sexual satisfaction from working in a group of people where the jobs are organised according to the skills and strengths of the specific people involved and the work therefore runs smoothly and is done well. I love it. In such contexts, I want the person doing the organising to be better at organising, or at least better at organising this specific project becuase they are more familiar with it, than me. If I’m better at it, I should be the organiser, and that means the jobs are divided inefficiently and the satisfaction is less.
But in the bedroom, I don’t want the sub to be inferior to – less intelligent, less skilled, less able to endure things than – the dom. That would suck. I get off on the submissive person being superior, in some ways, to the top, because I like the ideas of being given control and of taking control. Where’s the fun in being obeyed by someone who wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t tell them? Where’s the fun in forcing someone to obey you if they haven’t the strength to resist? Where’s the victory in that? If I’m going to pretend I own someone, I want them to be valuable.