There’s a really important distinction to be made between a fantasy, and something you actually want to do.
A fantasy is something that turns you on, that gets you aroused. It can be anything from a single image to a epic storyline in surround sound. Something in your imagination that makes your libido happy. But that’s all it is.
Fantasising about something isn’t the same as wanting to do it. Maybe you fantasise about it, but know that in real life, it wouldn’t be fun – I’ve got some of them myself, because in real life I get bored easily, but it could as easily be because you don’t really want your consent to be violated, or your body permanently marked, or to be seen having sex in public. It’s fun to imagine, but in real life, it wouldn’t be.
Or maybe, like me, you fantasise about things that your conscience will not let you actually do. You’d enjoy them. These aren’t the kind of fantasies that pall in real life: these are the ones that would be so good your head would explode. I have fantasies like that, things that turn me on to a huge degree that I’d never act out, because I’m a sadist. Nothing wrong with that. But no matter how hot kidnap and torture would be, I’m not going to do it, because kidnap and torture are wrong.
It’s pretty simple, really. I can have arousing thoughts without being compelled to act on them. Indeed, I am not compelled to act on any thoughts I have. I can dream up elaborate and detailed erotic stories, which in my case are likely to be quite violent and nonconsensual, without feeling the slightest wish to do them or have them done to me.
To fantasise about something is not the same as to desire it. It seems a subtle distinction, but it’s very important.

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