Today’s theme is the feminist objection to kink, “BDSM eroticises power disparities”.
This would be a reasonable complaint, did it not demonstrate a complete misunderstanding of cause and effect. BDSM doesn’t cause the eroticisation of power disparities: people erotisise power disparities and therefore engage in BDSM.
The existence of kink didn’t make me kinky. The existence of me made me seek out kink. I am me, and part of me is that I erotisise power disparities. In fact, I fetishise power disparities. I have never had an orgasm without thinking about power. Given the existence of people like me, the existence of some kind of community of us is inevitable. One of those communities is the subculture and flavour of activities known as BDSM. But BDSM is just a convenient name for what some people like to do.
When you object to the eroticisation of power, you object to me.
That hurts. That really fucking hurts. I cannot change my sexuality. I cannot escape from my kinkiness. It wouldn’t even occur to me to want to if it weren’t for the people telling me I’m sick, because my sexuality ties in completely with the rest of me. How I interact sexually with the world is all of a piece with how I interact platonically with the world. My focus on power and heirarchy, my use of these concepts to understand interpersonal relationships, is not confined to the bedroom.
When you say that BDSM is wrong because it focuses on power disparities, you are telling me not to exist.
Ow. That hurts. Stop it.

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