Today, I went looking for a picture of a man holding – not wearing – handcuffs and looking sexy. I did this as an experiment, because having noticed that all the male dom / female sub pictures I see focus on the submissive women and not the dominant men, I wondered if this was a real phenomenon or if I was just looking in the wrong places.

Either Google is lying to me, or it’s a real phenomenon.

After about half an hour of hunting, I managed to dredge up the following photos:

A man in a partly-open white shirt, looking towards the camera. He is holding out a pair of handcuffs dangled from one finger. The handcuffs are in the foreground of the image and the man's face is out of focus.

A different man in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, holding out a pair of handcuffs. The handcuffs are pinched between forefinger and thumb. The handcuffs are in the foreground of the image and the man is severely out of focus.

A young man in a dark green uniform with a white cap. He is looking directly at the camera and holding out a pair of handcuffs. He grips the handcuffs firmly and looks serious. It is hard to tell, but I think the focus is on his face. The handcuffs are in the foreground of the picture.

These are three very similar photographs. The men’s poses are nearly identical and in the first two the handcuffs are the subject of the picture.
Like I said, it took me about half an hour to find these.
In the first four pages of the first Google image search I tried, I found around a dozen photos of women holding handcuffs, including these:

A woman wearing black underwear, holding a pair of handcuffs behind her back. She is facing away from the camera and holding the handcuffs behind her back. In front of her is a bed, on which sits a man in black underwear. He is looking at the woman and his posture is relaxed.

A very scantily-dressed woman stands facing the camera. Her left hand is on he hip and in her right she holds up a pair of dangling handcuffs. Her posture and expression suggest an invitation.

A woman wears black knickers and an open grey coat. She is holding the coat over her breasts with one hands and from the little finger of the other she dangles a pair of handcuffs. She is giving the camera a come-hither look.

A woman in scanty pink pajamas sits straddling the hips of a man wearing white underwear. The couple are looking at each other's faces. He is lying on his back with his head pillowed on his arms, looking relaxed. She is playfully holding up a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs in one hand.

This is both a greater number and a greater variety of photographs, all found within a few minutes. The women are in a number of postures, but they are always the focus of the photo. In each case, the women are arranged in ‘sexy’ ways and in two cases they are with a man in a bedroom.

This is not an isolated case. I could have chosen any typical expression of sexual dominance and I would have found it much easier to find a photograph of a woman doing it than a man. Oh, you can find photos of women submitting all over the internet, but that’s exactly what they are: photos of women. Even among the school of porn that’s all about dominating women by penetrating them, the photos are of women being penetrated. Often the only part of the man in shot is his penis.

Submissive women are being really badly served by porn. Like the dominant women, there are more photos of us than you could shake a stick at, usually in uncomfortable and improbably scenarios. But there is very little for us to look at. It may be fun – it is for me – to look at a photograph of a tied-up woman and imagine oneself in her position. But for a primal tingle, for intensity and immediacy, give me a man looking like he intends to do the tying up. It’s hot.

There’s a reason for this. Men are not meant to be looked at. Women are not meant to look. Women are objects of desire; men are subjects of desire. This is the arrangement Figleaf’s Two Rules of Desire are meant to illustrate. This is the problem Maymay over at Male Submission Art is trying to solve. If you want to look at men, even the Internet will not help you.

If I had the time, the money and the courage, I’d make my own maledom porn. It wouldn’t be difficult. Men. Men with visible faces. Men with visible desire on those faces. Men with their shirts open, men with their shirts off, men holding whips, ropes, handcuffs, collars. Men being arrogant and stern and in-charge. That’s all I was looking for, and that’s what I can’t find.

Is it any wonder that female bisexuality is fashionable? Maymay would say that we can only be what we can see. I would add to that: we can only desire what we can see.